I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
