it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
