tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I understand Curling. That high.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
