I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
