I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
