Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
