you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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