Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
