I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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