Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
