Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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