I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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