never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
