I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it because I queefed?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
