you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
handjob tips. give me some.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize