i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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