i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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