hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
