You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
