i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
