I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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