I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Floor bacon is actually really good
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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