I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
