You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
