I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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