We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
