forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
