Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
