So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she told me i tasted like america
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
