okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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