you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
