if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
