Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
