Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
