I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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