Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
