I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
