my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
