so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
