he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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