Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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