it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
