it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
