my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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