im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
so much tequila, so little girl.
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