Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
