I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
