he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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