The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
