Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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