I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
