I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
