my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
