You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
only you would photoshop your dick
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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