i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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