so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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