they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think I just sharted jello shots
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
