I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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