He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
