Just cropdusted the office
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
