i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
