I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
