I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
