I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
